The thing about existential crises is that they are so subjective. It feels so useless to attempt to explain my current experience.
I’ve never felt so lost before, so disconnected. I feel like I’ve fallen through the cracks of reality and I’ve become a stranger to humans. I don’t see how anyone has gone this long without being astonished at how absurd and arbitrary everything appears.
An existential crisis has some of the trappings of depression and panic attacks. “Motivation, it comes and goes, but the questions they stay alive.” It’s hard to get anything done without something down at the foundation level which explains why I am doing it. Inertia only works for you if you don’t ask any questions.
Creating my own meaning, my own explanation, isn’t enough. How could anything *I* make endure?
I feel like I failed. I stepped out an airlock to have a look around and the ship flew off without me. I’ve failed as a human. It’s harder and harder to connect, to deal with human things, to relate to human experiences.
In all honesty, I think you have a capacity to deeply connect with people. So many people live unthinking lives, exchanging superficial communications, but it’s an artificial connection. I know seasons of feeling isolated can be so discouraging and distorting, one feeding off the other. I don’t want this to sound trite, but things WILL be better.
I think that there is a bit of this going around. I felt like I was molting for a good while there, and still am. And that is definitely not pleasant. I am looking forward to next month in hopes that will settle things down a bit. I try and remind myself that I’m not alone, actually, and that there are a number of people that I am always and intimately connected to, no matter the time or space. And I think you are that way as well, it’s just hard to keep in mind while you are going through this sort of thing…
It because of your DID that you are blurring the lines of what is “real” and “fantasy” Your fondness for games is fueling this.
So from 6 to 20 you “were” a Christian (you STILL are)
You may have stopped doing *Christian* things but this is why.
You broke up with your girl-friend had a hot relationship with Cathy. Said to yourself *forget this Christian* stuff Ive been raised with it all my life…..
Plus how can this Christian-God b the right one especially with all the stuff that has happened to me concerning my DID and all others like me….
No way can He be the *right* one for me…
(He is)
There are thousands of multiples who are fighting there programming and still choose to believe in Christ Jesus. AND YOU CAN TOO!!!
Just have faith Drey….. its a *HOT* Eternity if you dont….
I received a comment from “Lee”, writing from a library in Columbus, OH. They gave a false email address.
I will not post comments from people I don’t know, especially about such important topics. And it is unfair to lob out inflammatory words from behind a veil of secrecy and expect to have any sort of discourse.